There are 4 types of OCD:

1. Contamination
2. Perfection
3. Doubt/ Harm
4. Forbidden Thoughts

I have huge Type 2 OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), honestly, I don’t know if it is good or bad or ugly. I like to keep things in their proper places. I have often straighten up the framed pictures/paintings at places like doctor’s clinic, in client’s office, at friends or relatives home, and not just wall hangings but arranged furniture as well; always switch off the lights/ fan/ AC while going out from hotel room. I am told that my OCD has increased during the lockdown and WFH in the past one year. I don’t deny that because earlier, I was spending less time at home and even the other members too would leave for work early in the morning returning late evening. The entire house was at my command and I would ensure it is in proper shape without any external influence. However, with WFH, both my wife and son being at home, it is democracy now and I am no longer in control of things. This would cause stress and friction and I would often get irritated and at times show my angst.

The show of angst apparently has a negative effect on my son and he would shut himself in his room. Then my wife would vent her emotions and the cycle would go on…

Recently, I was reflecting my relationship with my father in my twenties. There is no shame in admitting that though it was friendly but never intimate with him. I never shared my work life trials and tribulations with him though he would routinely enquire about my job and general well being. Frankly, I was busy building up my career, preferring company of friends rather than spending time with my aging parents. Now, if my son in his mid-twenties does the same thing I have no reasons to complain but it feels sad to drink alone while he’s around.

I am often told that with my temperament, I should have been in the armed forces… in fact, in initial days in Hyderabad while walking Rolf in the neighborhood, many thought I am a retired army colonel, especially as I carried a baton to ward off the stray dogs!!

Coming back to the OCD, I am sure it is not genetically passed on to me because none of my parents had it, they were most liberal and accommodating and socially amiable. So, why I am like this?

Well, one of my sisters is a cleanliness freak: I remember, she had put up a signage at her home in Kashmere Gate that actually said, “NO SHOES/ CHAPPAL BEYOND THIS POINT”. In her home, the hair cutting of all the male members are a ceremony itself and had to be done on the same day…once back from the salon, each one should enter at a time and go straight to the bathroom to take bath, while the other(s) should stand outside. She had many such weird ideas and would force them on her husband and two sons. However, over the years, she had mellowed down or perhaps the guys have become rebels…

I am not that crazy!!!

I am a perfectionist or try to be one. Back in Dabur days, every year there used to be bunch of Management Trainees joining and they would routinely be sent to me for orientation. My word of advice to them, at the end of the session, would always be, “Try to be a perfectionist now because you will have to make lots of compromises as you climb up the corporate ladder.” I do not know if any of them had taken me seriously and had followed the advice.

The idea of perfection makes one an awkward guest in matters of interpersonal skills. You tend to lose the art of diplomacy and are blunt with your observation to the point of being rude. This definitely affects one’s career growth because no senior would like to be corrected at every corner. However, it gives a feeling of uprightness and pride that no one can snatch from you.

Coming back to the point, where it started, I often wonder about why I acted in certain way or why I am obsessed with the balance of things around me. Why it affects me if the ‘forks’ are kept in the same slot as that of ‘spoons’ or if the towels are not folded in a particular way. The answer to these is frightening…

With no occupation, gainful or otherwise, I have developed a feeling of being useless, a handicap to the other members of the family. In short, my existence doesn’t matter. This did not happen overnight but slowly and gradually over the last few years. My actions and language, if I may be blunt, is that of a frustrated loser who is trying hard to remain relevant to his surroundings.

I know that I have to get out of this mindset, but how?

Till few years back I was doing freelance designing and creative writing though it was not a regular affair but I used to be occupied at least 10-15 days a month on such assignments and moreover, since I was selective in accepting the job, it was mostly, intellectually fulfilling if not financially. Then in the end of 2017, I had to relocate to Hyderabad and all such opportunities simply vanished. I did some online content writing just keep myself occupied but they were poor both intellectually and financially and I lost interest in pursuing them. One particular organization still owes me money…

Also, around this time I had serious health issues and was confined to bed for more than 6 weeks… making me lethargic and it also made me question my ability to do anything…the self confidence took a nose dive. I became hesitant to talk to strangers and became a recluse…ready to dive into depression but thankfully I survived.

I started spending time in the kitchen…experimenting with traditional recipes and creating my own concoction. There have been disasters but only in terms of the look or getting overcooked but never on taste. My mother had passed on certain things genetically and I think the culinary skill is the best one…I am not boasting but the people who have tasted my food, do certify that it taste quite similar to what mom used to make. Obviously, I will never be able to reach her level… I tried making Punjabi Kadhi-Pakaudi, though it was edible, it lacked the zing that she could bring out.

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Having worked in five star hotel kitchen for nine months, discipline and hygiene in the kitchen is ingrained in me and I generally keep the workstation clean as I work, keep washing the used utensils after use (not leaving it for the maid to wash up later) because, the dirty utensils can pile up and become eyesore (for me). However, my wife is just the opposite… she would work in the kitchen with gay abandon… so much so that once she had left her mobile phone inside the refrigerator and had looked for it not just through the house but the entire housing complex!!!

Anyways, it seems my working style is too dictatorial… it is my way or highway kind.

So, we have come up with a solution, I don’t enter the kitchen while my wife or the maid is working there and I don’t allow anyone to come inside while I am cooking. I don’t mind cutting the raw veggies, meat, fish on my own because based on the dish, these has to be cut in a particular shape…you can’t have one item shredded and the other cut in cube!! I am told it doesn’t matter but it does matter to me not just emotionally but scientifically too… if the veggies are cut in similar size and shape, they will cook uniformly and will look good in the dish as well. 

The pandemic and resultant lockdown, restricted movement has had an effect on my culinary journey too. Anyone, who loves cooking, would confirm that if what you are cooking is not shared with others, it is no fun anymore. The whole of 2020 and I suspect 2021 will too see a taboo in get-togethers or very restricted entertainment. The sword of covid contamination is still hanging on our head and frankly, we are scared of meeting friends, relations… especially, because of the rise in cases across the country once again, as I write this…

Therefore, my active participation in the culinary sphere is also getting restricted to cooking up for my son whenever he’s home.

My other passion is reading & writing but that needs a cool, stress free mind… where do I find it?

There are at least 3 books which are in various stages of unread, in last 2 months I have picked them up to complete but haven’t moved beyond couple of pages. My dear friend Indrajit had been coaxing me to pick up the pen or rather open the laptop…I ended up translating a couple of posts that I received in whatsapp message…then my other dear friend, Monojit said, “These are nice but please write something original”.

To write something through imagination needs the mind to be uncluttered and to do that, I thought it is best to write down what’s on my head right now and be done with…

Hopefully, the next one will be a hardcore fiction with lots of action…     

Three years ago, almost to the date, we had taken the call to relocate to Hyderabad after living in Delhi since our birth and through the ups and down of life. The reason we could take such a drastic call was because we no longer had any strings attached with the city, both our parents had crossed over the rainbow bridge, the only child is grown to be a fine person and living independent life in another southern city. We were looking forward to a great second innings of our life…

Well, it wasn’t such a great knock as far I am concerned but Deepika did love the city. Frankly, if asked, I can’t really find any fault with Hyderabad. The weather is generally good with only about 3 months of acute summer as against 6 months in Delhi, there’s practically no winter making it a place with even temperature all through the year. It’s a growing city with infra development all over the place and still having huge tracts of land for further growth. The govt of the day is thinking progressively and have some of the biggies in IT/ITES organizations to invest in the city generating employment. Then, what???

As I look back to this second innings, I realize we had missed few hard realities when we took the call…

We came to Hyderabad, a new city for us after crossing the half century mark of life. We didn’t have any friends except office colleagues for Deepika and a distant acquaintance from my Dabur days. We called both sets over dinner and lunch to bond and have bonhomie but it was not to be… colleagues, especially the ones reporting to you can’t become friends till you are their boss. With the other couple, I really don’t know their psych because they never called back or made any attempt to nurture the relationship. Once I met the lady while driving back home and had a forced conversation at the roadside for 5 minutes. There was no follow-up even though I was assured of a call back. I am a self confessed snob and egotist; I carry my ego at the tip of my nose… I am not going to call, ever again!!!

Despite such unwelcomeness, we managed to live in the city for almost 3 years now. We also met few guys who are like us ‘outsiders’ but have made Hyderabad their home now. These gentle souls are amiable and friendly; we perhaps would have bonded more but then covid jumped in the frame of things and all physical socialization became a taboo.

Coming from the city of forts and monuments, the famed Charminar and the Golconda Fort did not charm me but I was visibly impressed with the Salarjung Museum even though there’s a serious lack of maintenance and upkeep if you compare it with the European museums. I am also impressed with the Falaknuma Palace, the Taj Group that manages the hospitality section has kept it nicely and entertains the guests with lots of insight with a guided tour of the palace. Though the visit to Falaknuma Palace will make you poorer by few grand, it’s still a worthwhile visit, at least once in a lifetime for many of us.

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One aspect of Hyderabad that amazed me and frankly I liked it a lot, is the size of the stand-alone shops, especially at the newer expanded part of the city viz. Gachibowli, Madhapur, Hitec, Jubilee Hills etc. I remember the Hypermart (now closed) inside the Inorbit Mall was my first experience of the hugeness of the supermarket both in terms of size as well as items. It was quite like Walmart stores in US. Talking about supermarkets, there’s a overload of them in the area where we live…with Spars, Vijetha, Big Bazaar, Reliance Fresh, Spencer, More and Ratnadeep having multiple outlets. There’s even one Tata-Tesco outlet too though I haven’t been there so far. These large outlets do elevate one’s shopping experience to another level and we found our solace visiting such outlets for our weekly rations every weekend. One could pick-up the dry grocery, vegetables, meat/fish/egg, and household cleaning items and even crockery-cutlery, kitchen utensils and even small electrical appliances too. So, even if you don’t intend to purchase anything beyond the veggies, it is a great place for hours of window-shopping!!!

The ONE thing that helped in favor of living in Hyderabad is choosing the right residential society. When we had decided to move here, many people suggested that we take up independent house preferably with lawns for Rolf to roam freely. We did our searches and realized that such houses don’t come cheap or even affordable besides having its own discomforts and disadvantages. Even Mr. Agarwal, the property consultant who was helping us to find a suitable accommodation advised against such places. The biggest disadvantage is the security besides the little errand jobs that would keep surfacing like plumbing and electrical repairs… honestly, though Hyderabad is much less polarized on language front compared to the other southern cities, it is still a difficult task explaining your problem to that class of people who mostly are proficient in their native tongue and has an understanding of English. So, living inside a relatively large residential complex takes care of these issues as they provide such concierge services. We were extremely lucky to chance upon the NCC Urban Residency and a fully furnished apartment where we just moved in with our clothes and few other items. Most of the apartments here have open spaces greeting them (no face-to-face flats) resulting in airy, naturally lighted rooms. Another advantage here is that there’s no surface traffic of vehicles, the parking is below ground giving much needed respite to the vehicles from natural wear-n-tear like blazing sun and incessant rain. There’s also a convenience store within the complex which was a great help during the lockdown period.

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I must mention here that Hyderabad is much more pet friendly than Delhi, especially the kids are generally more dog loving and fearless. In our everyday walk, many of the kids would stop Rolf and cuddle him. There have been people in high-end luxury cars stopping and requesting a photo shoot with him!!! Also, there are dedicated individuals in the complex who regularly feed the street mongrels’ morning and evening. I found the Streetys’ of Hyderabad much docile compared to some of the resident devils that we have in my New Delhi residential colony. Every day, two of such streetys’ accompany us in our walk since the lockdown began in March and they are kind of bodyguards to Rolf!!!

I have mentioned earlier too but it needs to be reiterated again…the daring devils in 2-wheelers, both male and female. It seems that the covid hasn’t been able dampen their spirits; on the contrary, the near empty streets have made them even more brazen in their misadventures on the road. Earlier, the excuse for rash driving was to reach the work place on time (which is a misnomer in Hyderabad – no one takes the appointment time seriously; reaching in 10 minutes may mean “reaching in 2 hour” and without apology), but now why are they putting theirs as well as other’s life on the edge, is unfathomable. The closing of the offices had taken out the Mahindra Xylos and all such call centre vehicles from the equation giving much relief to the normal humans behind the wheels.

As I was writing this, Hyderabad faced unprecedented rain for over 3 days due to depression in the Bay of Bengal. Normally such depression and subsequent landfalls doesn’t have much impact on the city as it is at least 500 km inland from the shores. But this time, the rains created havoc, especially in old city and other low lying areas as almost all the lakes and water bodies became full to the brim. The floodgates of Himayatsagar Reservoir were opened up after 8+ years and river Musi flowed with full glory of the past. We were spared the agony as the area where we live is on higher grounds and relatively better planned than the old city. The only damage our residential complex witnessed was few uprooted trees including one that we had planted and grown to about 10 feet height. And as per the IMD, there’s no respite for at least another 7-10 days with sporadic rain across the region. Most of the times, in Hyderabad, the rains start in the evening hours and then continue till about midnight or sometimes carry over to the morning as well.

One disturbing trend that I have noticed not only in Hyderabad but in Bengaluru and Chennai as well is the lack of civic sense; barring the main roads of the city, the sidewalks of the colony roads are used as dump yards. And most of the cases it is the well to do households that dumps their daily garbage and other disposable/ discards on the roadside. The municipal corporation is either ill equipped and/or least interested in clearing and cleaning of the muck. In Bengaluru, they simply burn the stuff at site once the dump becomes eyesore for the bosses.

Our residential complex Nagarjuna Residency is situated on a connecting road between Old Mumbai Highway and Mindspace Road which also boasts of two of the most popular schools viz. Prerana Waldorf School and NASR School for Boys. It is the latter that is the cause of concern. It has a sprawling campus with separate grounds for football and hockey and also houses the bunglow for the Principal or the Head of the Institution and is well landscaped with water bodies for the ducks to swim. Since about a month back the housekeeping workers from the school started dumping first the pruned tree leaves and other remnants and then even the household garbage including food waste on the sidewalks just opposite the school. The situation has gone from bad to worst with the garbage now overflowing onto the road as well. I understand that the workers were told not to dump but they haven’t heeded, in fact they openly flaunt a devil may care attitude, obviously assured of support from their politically well connected boss’s. I am told that numerous complaints/ requests have been lodged with GHMC but so far no action has been initiated to clear up the mess. Don’t know what values are they imbibing in their students!!!

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First time in the last three years, we will be spending the Durga Puja in Hyderabad but alas the covid has ensured that we don’t get to see the Durgotsav of Hyderabad as most of them are either doing a symbolic puja or have restricted the entry to the members only. The Durga Puja, as I have seen growing up is “Sarbojonin” meaning it is open to public from all walks of life without restriction and without bias of race, religion, color and caste…but the Covid19 has taken out the “Sarbojonin” out of it making it a private affair of the few. I understand it would be difficult for the organizers to control the devotees if it is kept open to all but then why have it in first place? This year, so many other religious and cultural celebrations were cancelled or curtailed across the country, so why not cancel the Durgotsav as well. I can smell politics… WB will be going to polls next year, so they have to please the citizens who have been waiting for the biggest cultural festival of the land. There’s commercial angle to it as well, the Durga Puja coincides with Navratras culminating in Dusshera and ushers in the festive season of Diwali which also witnesses a frenzied buying season. The argument in favour is that the “economy needs the boost” and I agree on that point but can it be at the cost of the health of people? I don’t want to be the judge, let people decide what’s best for them. On my part, with great reluctance and at continuous pestering of Deepika have agreed let a Purohit come and do the annual Kojagori Laxmi Puja in a much smaller scale…

Contrary to the popular belief, the Goddess neither arrives nor leaves. She is the omnipresent, she has existed before time and will continue to stay beyond eternity… She is always around you and also within you, She lives in your conscience and in your breath, often guiding your soul when you invoke her, showing you the path whenever you deviate. Durga Puja and the nine nights of Autumn are therefore symbolic of our life. We arrive, we live through our blessings, we celebrate our existence, and we merge back into our elements.

For me Maa Durga manifests in two primary forms…

(1) AS MOTHER: Ya Devi Sarbobhutesu Matrirupenam Sangsthita, Namasteswai Namasteswai Namah Nama…

and

(2) AS SHAKTI: Ya Devi Sarbobhutesu Shaktirupenam Sangsthita, Namasteswai Namasteswai Namah Nama…

This year, I would like her Shakti Roop to unleash her fury on Coronasur and vanquish the demon of Covid19 from the face of the Mother Earth!!!

In the closing days of 2019, the popular joke was “How different will be the new year 2020?” and the cryptic answer in Hindi used be, “Zyada nahi, Unnis-Bees ka hi farak padhega.”

Well, I guess the Kaal Chakra probably was having a hearty laugh… the 2020 has turned world upside down, we are past the 9^th month and is on the verge of forgetting what’s it like being normal. The term “New Normal” has been coined to calm the nerve of the human race but how long can this new normal be sustainable? In the process of keeping physical distance, we are getting socially distant, the grandchild is not allowed to hug the grandparents, the best buddies can’t even shake hands, there’s always a fear, “Will I get infected doing that or that?”

So, how’s my 2020?

Well, the year started off promisingly… in the first week of January we were in Delhi enjoying a particularly good chilly winter which we have been missing for three years having relocated to the southern cities. Then in February, we went to Goa to celebrate my son, Ayush’s 25^th birthday. Though it was a short stay of 2N3D, it was thoroughly enjoyable. We used the opportunity to take possession of the One Bedroom pad that we had taken up jointly with our long time friend Robin. Looking back it was a wise decision to complete the govt formalities using the short sojourn.

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We were in the middle of discussion about our June (anniversary) vacation that we usually undertake with Basu family when the lockdown happened. At first it was fun getting locked up with all offices and school/ college closed, shopping malls, multiplexes and restaurants closed… nowhere to go, no one to visit you. The lockdown happened from 23^rd March and because of our Goa trip the previous month, the buying cycle of our monthly groceries had somehow moved to the middle of March, so we were well stocked up for a month and more. As far as vegetables and fruits and dairies were concerned, the convenience store within the housing complex geared up to cater to 350+ families. The NCC Urban Residency did an excellent job by arranging fruit, vegetable and meat vendors to come to the complex and set weekly shop and/or deliver the online orders. In fact, we were never out of any stuff during the complete lockdown of the phase I.

However, our son who lives in Bengaluru wasn’t so lucky… he had gone to Goa again in March 2^nd week with his school/college friends and as a conscious citizen went ahead with one week self isolation upon his return on 16^th March. Ironically, the day he could go out was the day nationwide complete lockdown happened. To make matter even grimmer, his flat-mate decided to move with his girlfriend in the same city, thereby leaving him alone in the apartment. It had a positive side as well… he no longer had to share the limited grocery and other food stock and could extend till the relaxation happened. Deepika used her connections in Bengaluru to arrange for some medicine that he had run out but beyond that we could not help much. It was agreed that at the first opportunity he will come over to Hyderabad as his company like many others had announced WFH till end of the year, so location did not matter…

One item that reached critically low (quantity) was the Dentastix of Rolf and surprisingly, the Pet Food was not considered “Essential” by the govt, therefore no e-commerce sites were delivering any pet food. I had to cut them in half to extend the inevitable end and every day would remind Rolf that soon it will be over…

Then one evening during our daily call, Ayush suggested that I try the Swiggy app which had started delivering grocery and other stuff. It was such a relief when the following day I could locate one shop having stock of Pedigree Dentastix, I ordered for 8 packets good for 8 weeks hoping that life would step back to normalcy by then.

One gets used to certain luxuries of life, mine being my morning cup of Lipton Darjeeling Tea which I have been having since the time I started drinking tea!! Unfortunately, my stock got over by April end and it was not to be found in our convenience store (though it was an extension of a large departmental store) and I had to look at outside avenues. The famed BIG BASKET failed miserably in our expectations, though they had the tea but for continuously 15 days, their delivery slots were always blocked and all this while I could see their delivery executives visiting our complex not once but twice a day to deliver to different apartments. I had to adjust with whatever was available for about a week before I could get it from Amazon pantry.

I was addicted to gutkha (mixture of betel nut & chewable tobacco) for over two decades… my stock got over in the second week of lockdown and since the pan shops were shut, there was no way to replenish; the first week I did show some withdrawal symptoms like headaches and irritability but I suppressed the urge knowing that this was one opportunity to chuck the addiction. Once the shops opened up I crossed my regular shop while driving back home but there was no urge to have it…     

NRFOWA, the RWA of our residential complex proactively stopped the services of the maid, drivers and other helps to all apartments except to few senior citizens living alone in the beginning of March. They also put an embargo on visitors to the complex much before it was official, thereby reducing the chance of infection. We have had sporadic cases since the lockdown relaxation and the figure approx. 10-12 out of over 1000 residents.

I must mention here the need for clear communication to the last man at the front… recently I read a story of a Delhi based advocate winning a case against Delhi Police. The person was fined INR500 for not wearing a mask while driving alone in his car. Apparently the policeman who challaned him was not briefed properly as to what constitute as public space and what’s a private domain. Similarly, when the lockdown happened on 23^rd March, the RWA had issued advisory that morning walk/ jogging etc along with sports arena are being closed to residents. There were exceptions mentioned like pet walking and visiting the convenience store for essential items… So, as soon as I had had stepped out with Rolf for the morning walk, a young guard came rushing towards us and said we must not walk and should go back immediately. Since I had read the advisory earlier, told him politely that pet walking is allowed under exceptions, but he was adamant that there’s no exception and we must turn back. It was irritating so I told him to convince Rolf otherwise we are going ahead, he can take a chill pill. As expected, he rushed to his Supervisor at the main gate and complained. As we approached the gate (about 200 meters from our apartment), the Supervisor came up with the same narrative; I showed him the entire communication of the RWA to which he said that he wasn’t aware of the same and can’t allow me to go out of the complex. Needless to say, I was furious and told him that I am going out definitely and he can complain about me to anyone he deems fit. I think I had raised my voice a bit high and also used some choice words which made him realize to back off… 

In April, Rolf became 11 (hooman) years young… the celebrations were low key due to complete lockdown but he got extra portion of “Chimken” and 2 scoops of Vanilla Ice Cream…

In Hyderabad, the worst months in terms of weather are April to June when the dry heat of April-May becomes humid and sultry by the beginning of June, you simply pray for the rain god to come soon!! This year, because of the lockdown, staying indoors, the severity of the weather was not felt, especially for people like us who are living on the ground floors of multi-storied complexes. We also avoided the severity of the monsoon which this year had been above average resulting in many water logging in the city. So, to that extent the lockdown has been a blessing in disguise.

After two cancellation of flight, Ayush finally managed to reach Hyderabad on 7^th June morning and immediately quarantined himself for the next 7 days. The 3 months of no-gym had a toll on his body both physically and mentally. For a young man, being locked up at home without any social contact is really frustrating. Even under normal circumstances, I rarely moved out but when you are forced stay indoors because of external factor, there’s kind of rebellion enters the mindset. I could sense that in Ayush with his constant irritable stance and practically non-communication. His mother and my wife Deepika was concerned and upset at the situation but I knew that over time, he will be fine. Since 2013, he has been staying away from home, first in college hostel and then with flat mates when he started corporate life…he had tasted the gay abandon of living separately from the parents… what he needed was an assurance of having a private space while living with us which I ensured through minimal interference in his life. His presence also provided me with an opportunity to explore my culinary skills. I have never cooked as much as I did in the last 3-4 months. He has settled down now and is enjoying his stay at home, although he refuses to acknowledge Hyderabad as home and calls it a camp and frankly I agree with him on this count.

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Actually, the private space factor is very important in all relationships… it affected me too in some ways… Since the time we moved to Hyderabad in the beginning of 2018, my life had seen a kind of solitude 5 days a week… from Monday to Friday I used to be on my own once Deepika left for office or I dropped her to office. However, with Deepika working from home, I first had to give up my desk and the cozy corner office that I created for myself, then my OCD came to the fore and we would often get into arguments over trivial issues. The presence of Ayush helped in minimizing the domestic skirmishes as well, although my OCD is still quite strong but I am now simply going about it quietly.

In June, we celebrated our 29^th anniversary quietly with Ayush in attendance taking pictures for memory sake. Normally, every year barring a few emergency situations, we have gone for “destination celebrations” with our dear friend the Basu Family (and sometimes the Dutts as well), but this was exceptionally different.

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Now, most of the lockdown restrictions are gone, not because the epidemic is over but people are impatient to get back to pre-covid freedom but there lies the real threat of another wave of the pandemic in the near future. The least one could do is to maintain physical distance, wear a mask and keep oneself sanitized while in the public places. It is really surprising to see the educated people not wearing the mask properly covering the mouth & nose or even not wearing at all. I am told by my friends in Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkata that this is an issue even there too; in fact a friend who drove down from Siliguri to Kolkata said that about 60% people are covering their faces in some form in Kolkata but in the hinterland it is business as usual…no mask, no physical distancing.

As I was concluding this piece, the news came in that C-19 has entangled my in-laws family in Delhi. My prayers are with them for a speedy recovery.

The Unnees-Bees joke has given way to “I am not adding 2020 because I didn’t use it” statements from all netizens. Frankly, I don’t care if it gets added or subtracted, I want the last quarter to sprint to the checkered flag… and I would surely like to welcome the circa 2021 with all my friends around in a grand celebration.

We have lived through the 9 months unscathed and sincerely hope to scrape past the balance 3 months as well in good health and high spirit.

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Sushant Singh Rajput took his life… committed suicide at the young age of just 34 years!!

Somehow, this news has rattled not just me but a whole lot of people. Why? I did not know him personally nor did I follow his film career as a fan. He did some remarkable cinemas like Kai Po Che, MSD, Kedarnath, Chhichhore etc which shall remained etched in ones memory for years… but the question remains why did he take the extreme step?

As my son pointed out, the “suicidal thought” is something that’s embedded in the persons mind for a long time but is subdued by the happenings in one’s life. I agree with him, in fact I would like to point out that a large section of the society around us have a dormant suicidal thought deeply embedded in their subconscious and in most of them it remains dormant all through their life.

I remember of a death by suicide in my distant family… the person was highly educated (Gold Medalist), well established in profession (professor at a renowned university) and had a beautiful family. I have met him once or twice as a child and my memory is that of a benevolent uncle who would give me a Cadbury Chocolate bar every time we met. However, my mother and elder siblings believed otherwise; according to them he was self-centered, selfish person who ill treated his wife and child and made her leave home with their child never to return again.

Why I brought it up? Well, I wanted to bring about a different dimension to the narrative of suicide.

Many years later, that child and I became very good friend, we used to communicate every week through snail mail (the only option in those days) and would meet once or twice a year. In one such communique, she informed me of her father’s demise by an act of suicide. She wrote and I am quoting from memory, “I don’t know whether I should grieve on his death or feel freedom from a suffocating relationship. Frankly, I do not know him much or rather he did not let me know him all these years. All I know is that he loved oneself immensely which to the outside world seemed self-centered, selfish and therefore, his taking this extreme step reveals that he was in some kind of deep pain which he could not withstand anymore.”

I think I wrote back some consoling thoughts which I did not believe myself. But her words that “how could a person who loved himself so much take his own life”, remained etched in my subconscious and surfaced now when I read the news of SSR.

Most people consider suicide to be act cowardice, I don’t. It takes guts to jump off the 20^th floor, put the noose around one’s own neck and then kick the chair, gulp down a bottle of high-dose sedative or slash the vein of your wrist. Yes, it takes lot of unbearable pain, both mental and physical that induces the person to take the final step. Why guts? Because, the person is fully aware that there will be no turning back once the clock is set in motion.  The desire to live for something… to love someone gets erased momentarily but completely… it is like one has entered a tunnel where it is only way forward to an endless abyss. So what triggers this? Many things actually in succession or simultaneously… be it a financial or emotional loss… it could be certain physical ailment that has reached incurable stage.

The counter argument often is that one should talk to family, friends or doctor to get out of the misery. But what to do when one has lost all the zest for life? Think of the terminally ill patient counting days while experiencing excruciating pain every moment that refuses to subside even with the strongest medication. Think about the person in vegetative state where the mind is alert but rest of the body including the tongue is inert or the comatose patient occupying the (hospital) bed for years together. There is no coming out these miseries even if you have tons of wealth to garner the best medical team. Will it not be logical or rational to let the person go with honor? It does sound politically correct to say that the family will take care… arrange for best medical facilities… and hope the person gets well, when it is evident that it is not going to happen, the vegetative figure will never get up and stand on its feet.

The mental illness or the depression is something that doesn’t happen overnight but seeps into the brain cavities over a period of time. What triggers it is a point of debate…

Let’s take a hypothetical case of a person who had been in a administrative job all his/her life…the person having worked in middle management level was never a decision maker but a good follower and implementer of the instructions… suddenly with the lockdown across the country forcing the employees to work out of home, makes his/her job redundant… with still few years before retirement… with no other skill set to explore newer alternatives… becomes kind of unrelevant to his/ her own universe. The person is physically there amongst people but has nothing to contribute productively. His/her existence is taken for granted and doesn’t have any impact on the people around except probably as an irritant. He/she quietly waits in silence to become completely irrelevant from this stage of unrelevant before fading away completely.

There’s a section of such people who disappear in milling crowd in anonymity, some take the spiritual route to find relevance of their existence. Though the thought of going to Dikshunnopur is highly romantic as has been painted by the Bengali author late Shri Sunil Gangopadhyay or Neel-Lohit (pseudonym) but I find it to be uncourageous because one remains as useless as before… still unproductive, a parasite living off the society… only the environment changes.

I strongly feel that if such a situation arise in one’s life, it is better to go with your dignity intact. There is no shame in accepting the final defeat and cross over the rainbow bridge to a world of classless society… (I am guessing!!)

NB: Won’t be apologetic to those who may find this “defeatist and/or morbid”… I have the freedom of thoughts…

The septuagenarian gentleman sitting across me on the lower berth of 2-AC in the Kolkata-Bhubneshwar Express train has been engrossed in his smart mobile phone right from the beginning. In fact he had taken out the phone as soon as the train rolled out of the Howrah station. He was frantically typing out in between light laughter, smile and muffled guffaw. His dress of kurta-pyjama and a sleeveless jacket with the blanket loosely spread over his legs suggested that he is the quintessential Bong Bhodrolok. I guessed, by his demeanor that he must have been a teacher in a college or university. I also thought he must be going on a vacation unlike me who has to attend a boring seminar in the morning as soon as I reach Bhubneshwar.

The gentleman kept glancing at me intermittently as if trying to figure out if a conversation could be struck. The train for some unknown reason has been relatively less crowded and that made the air conditioning work with double efficiency and I was feeling little chilly. I spread the blanket over myself and made myself comfortable in a half lying up position before taking out my phone to check mails and messages.

Finally, the gentleman asked me, “Are you feeling cold, my son?” Now, hearing “my son” I was convinced that the person on the opposite berth surely have been a professor. I said, “Yes, a little bit.” He continued, “The last coffee vendor will come in few minutes, have a hot cup, it will comfy you up.”  Soon the coffee vendor appeared and we took two cups and then the chit-chat started with usual question-answer that any Bong on first acquaintance would like “Where do you live? What do you do? Are you married and how many kids? What are they doing etc?” He also revealed, as I had guessed, that he was the professor of Bengali Literature in Calcutta University. Thereafter there was silence and I wondered what to say! But the professor broke the silence and asked, “How is life treating you? Are you able to spend time with your loved ones?” As I was figuring out what to say, he again said, “I mean are you finding the life sweet or bitter?” I smiled and said, “It is sweet, sour and spicy, all at the same time.” I reflected upon the everyday scene… leaving for office at 9am only to return around 8pm, completely exhausted not just with office chores but driving through ever increasing traffic on the road. Then, having crossed the honeymoon period long ago, there would be some sort of losing argument with my wife or she would be having a fight with Piyali, our daughter on issues like “Why do you get up so late in the morning? Have you done your homework? Why haven’t you finished your food? Have you packed your school bag? Why haven’t you made your bed? Why are these books scattered all over the place? Why are you watching television instead of studying?” The list is endless… sometimes I would lose my cool and scold both.

Professor, took a deep breath and said, “My son, this is the best period in the life… don’t ignore and let it pass by, enjoy this lovely sweet-sour-spicy time with full enthusiasm, give it all your attention and love. There will come a time when only the silence will greet as you reach home, the bed is perfectly made, by some ominous magic the arguments of mother-daughter has been resolved forever. You will have the urge to undo the bed, scatter the books all over just to break the deafening silence with their arguments. The urge to sit with your little one as she attempts to solve that mathematical problem will be immense. You will realize that everything is in its place but the solitude will engulf you, overwhelm you, perhaps, you will search the familiar sweet smell of your little one, your ears would yearn for her constant chatter. No one to say bye as you leave and no one to snatch the TV remote, no one to take the egg yolk from your plate, it will simply dry up on your plate. The daily shrill voice on the other side of your mobile will become weekly then monthly to finally occasionally. She will come for two days and will take back the sweet dreams that you have painstakingly building now. The power of your eyeglass will increase; there will be more medicine to consume than food. The sleep will elude you as well.”

Every word, the professor said, hit me hard as I started visualizing the future… I asked, “So, what and how do you suggest the life should be lived?”

Professor thought for a while and then said, “No one will look back at you if you fall like the winter leaves, you will be gone looking at the greenery at the top of the tree. You will have to reinvent, renew yourself like the new leaf on the tree. Locate your old friends wherever they may be, renew that warmth of the friendship. The warmth of the bonfire on a chilly wintery night can only come from the friends through uninhibited laughter, stupid jokes and all that bonhomie. That is why, I keep fiddling with my mobile phone… the old childhood friends keep sending jokes and tidbits that light up my world, keep me alive. Keep up the friendship that you developed long ago in your childhood; do not lose the camaraderie in today’s rat race. I am going to a gathering of my friends which we have every three months… we call it G2G, acronym for Get Together!! We have music, jokes and uninhibited laughter; we relive our youth for two days… take in the pure oxygen of friendship, extend our live every three months through this G2G.”

Next day, early morning, when I got down, there were around 15 young septuagenarians talking animatedly with the Professor and laughing like teenagers at some of their jokes, perhaps. The professor turned around and shouted, “My son, these are my little green leaves, my oxygen.”

I do not know what will happen 20 years hence? Will I have the strength in my fingers to type on the mobile? Will the eyesight be gone completely? I know for sure the cacophony of the G2G will go on but perhaps I may not hear a single word, I may not even remember any of them as my memory gets consumed by the dreaded Alzheimer’s. But the show must go on… the camaraderie of the friendship must continue…

Note: Received the Bong story without any reference to the original author. I decided to repost this beautiful realistic piece in English and dedicate it my own group of friends… the friendship developed many moons ago in the classroom, in the football field of Raisina Bengali School; we fondly call it Mastans of RBHS 80.

Beyond the expectations of many including my parents and brother, I have not only stayed put in the organisation but have actually made progress in the last two years and I credit this to work environment and my bosses.

In the first week of my joining, there was a bit of confusion as to whom I was being assigned. Of the two contenders, one was on tour therefore the other one claimed me as his own for the first three days. Then the first one came back and promptly reclaimed me. Looking back, I feel good because under him I learnt a lot; not just about my assignments but on inter personal skills and general life skills.

I remember one incident, about a month or so in the job. Sanjeev, my boss had gone on a tour once more. The mails addressed to him were given to me and I would neatly put them in file-folder and keep it on his table. As a child, I was told not to open anybody else’s mail and I always followed that, even today.

It was Tuesday or Wednesday (midweek) when Mr. Ramachandran, the super boss called RD, my colleague in his room and he came back within a minute and informed me that I have been summoned by him. I was sure that I was going to be fired for something wrong I may have done. With a trembling leg, I entered his cabin. He looked at me and said in a even tone, “Did you get a letter or memo from Mr. Lal?” At that point of time, I had no clue as to who is Mr. Lal? Gathering courage I said, “Sir, all the mails are kept in Sanjeev’s table, shall I get them?” I brought all the mails to his table. When he saw the unopened envelopes, he asked “Why are these not opened?” “These are all addressed to Sanjeev, so I did not open them” I replied. Then as an afterthought I told him that I have been told since childhood not to open other’s mail. Mr. Ramachandran had a hearty laugh and then said, “Son, there is nothing personal in all these mails that come every day in the office. Since Sanjeev is not here, it is your duty and responsibility to open the mails and take appropriate action. You may falter in your action sometime but that is acceptable because otherwise how will you learn. There may be some issues beyond your realm, in such cases, come to me, I will advise you. Now, open all these mails and bring me the one from Mr. Lal. By the way he is the RM of Bihar.”

This one incident gave a big boost to my confidence and helped me create a niche for myself in the organisation.

The organisation was rapidly expanding and needed people to power them to the next level. So, for the first time, it was decided to recruit directly from the university campus. In the first instance three people were recruited from two different campuses and they joined as the first set of management trainees in the history of Dabur.

Two of them came from IMT, Ghaziabad and I knew them from an earlier instance when they had come for an event sponsorship. The third one was from Delhi University having done her masters in business economics and had an air about her. The training programme was for 18 months after which they will be absorbed in different functional area.

One day, around this time, Sanjeev announced that we have been given the brand Hajmola, a digestive tablet. The brand was in a decline on its lifecycle and needed some boost.  From a high volume of 50000 cases annually it had fallen to around 35000 cases. For the next one week, we analyzed the sales trend of Hajmola and realised that there were not only stiff competition from smaller branded players but a plethora of me-too brands from unorganised sector have mushroomed over the last couple of years. The task was simple but uphill – (a) reposition & re-establish Hajmola as the Fun Product that is efficacious and good for all age group (b) create a noise/hype around the brand that will subdue the rest. For the first initiative, we recreated the Hostel Film (Hajmola Sir) with a contemporary touch. But for the second part we got stuck, we wanted to have consumer promotion that will have a ‘pull’ effect rather than dealer scheme that may or may not ‘push’ the product. In those days MRTP commission was fairly strong and all trade/ consumer promotions needed to adhere to their norms. We drafted our plans and submitted to the legal dept for them to get the clearance.

A week later we were told that there’s a meeting with the lawyer to thrash out the details before we could proceed further. Just a day before the scheduled meeting, Sanjeev had go out town on urgent work and Mr. Ramachandran told me that I have to be the front man from the Marketing. I was sweating but outwardly showed enough confidence to face the lawyer (till then I had no clue, who it was). On the appointed day, Mr. Ramachandran called me in his chamber and asked “Can you reach this place around 7 pm?” giving me an address of Sundar Nagar, ND. The name on it was Mr. Soli Sorabjee with the address. I nodded yes, for my throat was completely dry.

I reached the destination around 6:30 and waited for the others to arrive. About 15 minutes later Mr. GC Burman, MD & Mr. PD Narang, HoD Company Affairs came and thereafter Mr. Ramachandran.  He asked me if I am carrying all the relevant documents with me which I confirmed. We went inside to meet Mr. Sorabjee who was flanked by his deputies and I could see my hand written draft of the consumer promotion lying on the desk in front of him with some marking and side notes. It has been read by the great man, I was elated. I was asked to repeat the modus operandi of the scheme which I did without once referring to my notes as I knew every detail by heart. I felt, I have impressed all present including the solicitor.

At the end of all deliberations lasting over an hour, Mr. Sorabjee cautioned that the Consumer Scheme may attract MRTP sanctions and all efforts may come to noughts. However, he suggested that if we could work around it and make it Retail oriented then it would work out. Mr. Ramachandran asked me work on that area and come up with a solution in a weeks’ time.

The following week started with brainstorming for converting the consumer promotion to a retail scheme. The issue was that retailers always look for discounts & margins more than any reward at a later date. Sanjeev & I were against giving any cash discount at that stage as it would eat into our promotion budget. We involved the freshly inducted management trainees to come up with ideas, even the weirdest ones will do. After a few late evenings (unthinkable in those days at Dabur), we finally came up with Hajmola – Know Your Nature Quiz Contest. It was simple, innovative (for retail trade) and workable. The top prize was a Maruti 800 Car followed by other attractive gadgets like Washing Machine, Refrigerator and Television etc.

The Hajmola Know Your Nature Quiz had a series of nature related simple questions followed by a fill-in-the blank question asking the respondent why he/she loves Hajmola. The Coupons were serial numbered and in 3 parts where one part was retained by the retailer and the other two parts returned to the dealer/ sales representative. All coupons were collected at HO and sent to an agency that segregated coupons based on ‘all correct answers’. The other coupons with incorrect answers were also kept for later scrutiny if demanded. At the end of the scheme period of three months, the winner would be declared through computer random number generation. It was fool proof scheme without any biases and though there were multiple complaints to MRTP commission but none was entertained and we were given clean chit to continue.

In that three months period all the marketing people travelled the length and breadth of the country visiting not just the strong markets but tertiary markets as well. Sanjeev & I had to alter our travel plans to ensure one of us remain in office to coordinate with the agency in segregation of coupons. The team of management trainees, Robin, Jolly & Deepika were extremely involved and helped us with their tireless services. My interaction with them in these three months gave me two very close friends and my life partner.

By the middle of the second month or half way through the scheme period, we knew it was a success because we had reached the 18000 cases, way above the monthly average, in the first month itself. And when the scheme closed finally at the end of three months, the sales figures were astounding; we had not only achieved our annual target but sold more than 60000 cases of Hajmola in just three months.

It took another month to complete the segregation of coupons and preparing the list of successful entries. Then we arranged for the lucky draw through random number generation process at the Holiday Inn Hotel, Barakhamba Road, New Delhi. It was a big event and all dealers across the country were invited to join the event. We arranged the services of a professional host, Mr. Shammi Narang, renowned media personality, to conduct the ceremony. Amidst the fan fare, the winner of top prize was announced which went to a retailer from Patna City. The symbolic key of the car was handed over to Mr. R S Lal, the Regional Manager. We had tied up with Maruti for delivery of the car in any location in the country using their vast dealer network across the country and it took another month to formalise the delivery.

As a reward, Sanjeev suggested that I should represent the Brand team and go to Patna to hand over of the keys of the Maruti 800 to the winner. It was a big honour for me and I was truly elated. It was decided that a small function will be organised at Hotel Ashoka, Patna to felicitate the winner. When we went to invite the shop owner in Patna City, we realised it that it was a tiny shop selling daily use products and the humble shop owner was in tears when we invited him for the function. He was overwhelmed by the fact that stalwarts like the Sales Head Mr. Udit Mehra, the Regional Manager Mr. R S Lal and the others had gone to invite him personally. We were offered tea & biscuits which we accepted as respect to the owner. Ironically, nobody in his family had ever ridden a car let alone driven one. The Patna ceremony was a simple affair combined with sales conference for the Bihar state.

In the evening, we had an informal get together at Mr. Udit Mehra’s hotel room where I had my first scotch whiskey, two pegs of Black Label. Later that evening, another wonderful friend that I had made, Sanjay Sinha, the Area Manager asked me if I was done for the day or game for more. Obviously, I was game for more because after a day’s respite from hectic activities, I was scheduled for long haul through the hinterland of North Bihar right up to Raxaul, the border town with Nepal. Sanjay took me in his Yezdi motorcycle through the labyrinth lanes and by lanes of Patna and stopped in front of a house and knocked three times on the window. Immediately it opened but I couldn’t see the face and after a brief chat, the person handed over a bottle Old Monk XXX Rum. We returned to my hotel, picking up some munchies to go with the Rum. Needless to say it was a long evening which finally ended in the wee hours of the morning. Sanjay slept on the spare bed as he was too drunk to drive back home.

I spend next 10 days touring through the north Bihar towns like Muzaffarpur, Motipur, Motihari and Raxaul. At Motihari, the Sales Supervisor booked me a nondescript hotel. The room was on the top floor, big room with a double bed in the middle covered with mosquito net. In the evening when I checked into the room after working through the day, I realized that the light in the room was insufficient to read. I asked the hotel manager to change the bulb but he said that the bulb was already high powered (100 Watts), it is the voltage supply that is too low. The Sales Supervisor, perhaps to boost my morale and calm my mood said that even the big bosses who were several notches above me had stayed in the same room!

Another thing that I remember is that the town of Motihari was so dirty that in my stay of 36 hours there, I refused to eat anything locally and survived on two apples and bottled water that I carried from Muzaffarpur.  In Raxaul, the dealer, a Muslim fellow, wanted to treat us but was at his wits end as how to invite a Hindu (Brahmin) to his home. He confided in the Sales Supervisor and when he told me, I burst out laughing and reassured him that we will definitely join him for the Biriyani & Korma.

The Hajmola Know Your Nature Quiz not only resurrected the brand Hajmola Tablet but paved way for Hajmola Candy that became instant hit across the country when launched nationally. It also gave me the confidence to propose to Deepika, not immediately but few months down the line after lot of cajoling by Robin, but that’s another story for another time.

Today, the 30^th March 2017 marks my Dad’s (I used to call him Baba in true Bengali tradition) 100^th birthday. I haven’t given him anything of value while he was alive, I couldn’t, and perhaps I was too busy with myself. And before I could realise, he was gone, forever. On his centenary birthday, lots of memories flashed by me and I thought of penning down some. In a way this is my tribute to an ordinary man but extra-ordinary father or Baba.

The journey of Prafulla Kumar Bhattacharyya (my Baba) began from the village Ujirpur, town Jessore (now in Bangladesh) and culminated in Greater Kailash Part-I, New Delhi. He was the eldest of the surviving five siblings. He was, like most young impressionable Bongs, hot tempered and stubborn. A small argument with my grandpa over land dispute with his cousins resulted in his surrendering all his rights over the land holdings (I am told the total area would be close to the size of entire Vasant Kunj in Delhi if not more). In any case, the land and everything was gone with the partition of the country a few years down the line. But he was in Patna, far away from the village and the property, taking care of his extended family.

After the demise of my grandpa, much before the partition, my father came over to Kolkata along with the other members of the big joint family. He could have gone back and sold the property but perhaps his ego stopped him. As the head of the family, he married of his two younger sisters and helped the brothers to settle down.  He was transferred to Patna in the early 40’s where the family grew with seven of my siblings. It was in Patna that my grandma became ill and despite all available and expensive treatments she succumbed to her untreatable ailments. Based on the sketchy info of her sufferings, it seems, perhaps it was cancer that took her life. After the loss of landed property, this time my father lost all his savings in the treatment of my grandma. But he never complained and continued in his endeavour to give his family a healthy life and decent upbringing.

In the early 50’s he came to Delhi on transfer but the joys of settling down in the capital of the country was short lived as he had to leave the job under difficult situation. I think I do not have his courage and will power for survival, with seven mouths to feed and unemployed in a new strange place, I would have long died. But he managed to find another job, albeit much less paying than the previous one. Once he settled down in the new job, the family got extended with two more mouths. I was the 9^th and the last child.

 My earliest memory of Baba is of going with him on his bicycle to buy vegetables and fish/ mutton every Sunday morning. He would put a towel on the front rod and tie it up for me to sit. It was my most endearing moment with him and I looked forward to it eagerly through the week.

This weekly fun rides with Baba came to sudden end when he was transferred to Jullundhar. He went alone leaving the family in Delhi as my two elder siblings, sister and brother had started working after graduation. He would come home every month end combing with his official visit to the head office in Delhi and spend 2-3 days with us. This continued for about three years till the everyday consumption of heavily spiced Punjabi delicacies took toll on his health, he developed stomach ulcer. I still vividly remember his crying in agony of the pain. It was obvious that he couldn’t possibly continue in Jullundhar. He pleaded with his company for Delhi posting but much like the current times, the company was not interested in a 50+ person in the head office. He quit and filed a case against the company under labour laws. I believe, the case continued for over a decade and finally he won. But by then he was past the retirement age, so reinstatement was out of question but the company paid compensation for all those lost years.

I remember going with him to the Hamdard Dawakhana at Asaf Ali Road for his ulcer treatment. The medicines were like churan and I would at times lick them. The medicines worked wonders albeit slowly but surely he was cured of the ulcers. He took up a job once more first with a publishing company and then with an export company from where he finally retired in 1986.

I was an F&B Trainee in Taj Palace Hotel, hoping to become a Chef. It was 27^th June 1986, when on a single day I got to know two bad news that was to change the course of my life. The first one, at work where the HR Manager told me that I cannot be absorbed in the Kitchen as I was not from the food tech institute and that I will be joining the restaurant service as a Captain, something that I detested. The second one was that Baba had a heart attack while in office. According to him, he felt uneasy right after lunch which he thought was gastric issue, so he had Limca with some black salt but it did not help. Thereafter, he took an autorickshaw and came back home. My brother called the doctor who confirmed it was a mild stroke and he should take complete rest. I came back from duty around 2 am and got the details from my brother.

By this time, all my sisters as well as eldest brother had found their life partners and settled down in different parts of Delhi and Germany. In the house were only four people residing – me, my brother and parents.

It was Saturday, 28^th June, my weekly off day and my brothers weekend (his was 5 days working), the doctor had come in the morning and after check up had assured that my Dad was doing well but needed to rest further. In the afternoon, my father was at the dining table having his lunch of light Khichdi with my mother at his side. Suddenly I saw him falling down from the chair and rushed to stop his complete fall just in time. My brother called the doctor and as advised we took him to Dr. BL Kapoor Memorial Hospital, the nearest to our home. He had a major stroke and stayed in the hospital for a week. In retrospect, the doctors should have done the by-pass surgery at that time. But back in those days it was not a priority, perhaps.

Following week, after Dad came back home and life had settled down a bit, I sent in my resignation to the Taj sighting inability to accept restaurant position and insisting on placement in the kitchen. This was once again declined, so I quit and with that my desire to become a Chef was completely quashed. I wholeheartedly moved into my new job of marketing & sales. The timings were long as most days there would late evening meetings or some party. It was practically same with my brother too. In effect my parents were left at home in their own world. Unaware to us all of this detachment of the children somehow affected his health in the long run.

One incident during this time is forever etched in my memory. There was a 3-day marketing conference at the Ashoka Hotel and on the last day after the conference got over, a cocktail party was organised by the host. The wine, beer and whiskey flowed freely and I had just too many (actually I remember up till the sixth peg). I used to ride a Yamaha RX100, the cool bike at that time. I have tried to remember the course of that evening but it remains sketchy. What I remember is that I was stopped by my ex-boss on my way out who insisted I raise a toast with him but it was more than just one! Thereafter I remember having crossed the South Extension on the Ring Road and reaching home safely but unable to get off the bike. Every time I tried, I felt like falling down. Then finally, with great effort I put the bike on the side stand and got down, pushed the bike inside the gate. To me the entire exercise took about 2-3 minutes. My parents were at the balcony watching the spectacle with concern as well as amusement.

Next day (Sunday) at the lunch table I was told that it was good 15-20 minutes that I was struggling to get off the bike. My mother had asked Dad to go down and help me but he refused saying that I needed to stand on my feet. My brother gave me a strong rebuke for being drunk but the most fitting response was from my father. He said nothing and that made me resolve to never have more than two pegs if I have to drive back home.

My parents and especially my father was way ahead of his time. He had given complete freedom to all the children; as a result all of us have had love marriages. My eldest sister was married to a Kayastha from UP, my eldest brother had inter-caste marriage, my youngest didi married a Marathi and that too younger than her and my life partner is a Punjabi. He believed in freedom of choice and the family truly embraced the diversity of the nation.

In 1989, my father had another serious cardiac attack and this time the doctors put a pacemaker inside his body. We were told the life of pacemaker was 10 years and we took it as the number of years added to Dad’s life! The Almighty might have had a hearty laugh.

My sister had come over to our home for the delivery of my niece, Tutul. The little one instantly became the apple of our eyes and especially of my father. She would not sleep till my father sang a lullaby holding her close to his chest. This became a routine for the next three months till she was at our home and it also gave Dad a renewed vigour.

In the next three years both my brother and I tied the knot with respective life partners and Dad had a very satisfied demeanour. He really got along with daughter-in-laws and was much contended playing and keeping company with his grandson Chintu. They were actually inseparable and at night my brother would forcibly take him to their bedroom amid the ruckus of the little one. Then suddenly on 19^th November 1991 evening he had a blackout and fell down on the floor. We called the ambulance and rushed him to the closest nursing home. For the next three days extensive tests were done both for cardiac as well as cerebral but every result was negative. He was feeling better and the doctors said they will keep him under observation for couple of days more as they were baffled by the results of the tests. There was definitely something wrong but it was not showing up. On 23^rd Nov evening Deepika & I were at the nursing home, my brother and Bhabi had gone back home after spending the afternoon with him. We spoke to him briefly and told him in two days time he will be going back home and he smiled at us. The nurse told us not to disturb him any more so we came out. My sister and Brother-in-law came to see him. They went and came out immediately and said that Dad was using the pot and the nurse asked them wait outside.

We were at the reception talking to ourselves when we noticed sudden inflated activity among the staff. The nurse who was with Dad, rushed with some medication and filling the injection syringes while on the run. The resident doctor shouted some instruction to the receptionist. I thought the other patient in the room who was on life support has become critical and rushed to give moral support to Dad. I was shocked to find the doctors and nurses attending my father only. Apparently, he had cardiac arrest while passing the stool. For the next 30 minutes, the doctors tried their best to revive him but Dad had already decided to quit this time. He had seen all his children find their mate and settle down in life, what more could he be wanting. At 7:20 pm the doctors declared him brain dead and requested my permission to take out the pacemaker that had lived only two of its promised ten years.

My father was an ordinary man to the world but for me he remains an extra-ordinary Dad. I never said this to him but yes Dad, I love you.

It was summer days, the schools had declared holidays and Ayush was having a relaxed time, waking up when he wanted, usually around 9/9:30 am and having choicest breakfast and dozing off once more only to get up for lunch. However, such laziness is enjoyable only for a few initial days. And it showed in his restlessness after sometime.

One day, some time end of May 2009, when I came back from office, Ayush was on the computer and seeing me he blurted out, “Dad, I want a pet. A dog basically.” I did not said ‘yes’ immediately knowing well that Deepika is mortally scared of dogs and will not agree to the proposal. Instead, I asked him to check with his mother and make her agree first. I am a dog lover and dogs irrespective of their lineage loves me back.

Anyways, after lot of persuasion, Deepika agreed on the condition that the dog should not be a large breed but small or medium. Although, my parents had a dog long back when I was an infant but later in life, we never had a dog as my mother was asthmatic and the doctor had advised against keeping one. The next step was searching for a suitable dog. Ayush had ruled out Labrador as it was very common in the neighbourhood. We checked the newspaper classified columns but could not zero on any of them. At this time our friend Sanjay chipped in, he always had a dog all his life and knew the whereabouts to get one. He suggested that we check the web and decide on the breed based on its suitability to our home.

So, on a June Saturday afternoon, all three of us plus Sanjay and his wife Nandini started operation search dog. While surfing the net, I got attracted to a photo of dog, it looked like a lion, a mini one!! The breed was Chowchow, a medium built guard dog. The site said it is family dog that loves grown up children but is little aloof meaning it does not like too much cuddling. I was sure, we will not find this particular breed in Delhi, and looking at, still hesitant Deepika, I said, “We will take this breed immediately if it’s available.” Sanjay suggested that we should go and see physically, a couple of places that he knew about. Our first stop was at NFC where the breeder had a Cocker Spaniel approx 8 weeks old but very feeble. The pup also did not show much energy, may be because of the heat. Ayush was not too impressed and said we should look at other places.

On our way to the next stop at RK Puram, Sanjay called up a breeder that he found in the newspaper and straight away asked him if he has a Chowchow pup and incredibly the guy answered in affirmative. He was based at Sainik Farms but gave an address of South Extension to see the pups. It was on our route so we decided to visit there immediately. I was curious to actually see a Chowchow in flesh n blood.

There were two pups, a Labrador and the Chowchow. It was a ball of fur roaming in the room that immediately caught our attention. The Labrador puppy immediately came to me wagging its tiny tail and licked my face as I picked it up. The fur ball kept at a bay initially and after a bit of cajoling finally came to me and sniffed at me, perhaps trying to size me up. I picked him up on my lap and instantly knew that I wanted him badly. The little one jumped from my lap straight into Deepika’s and settled down very contently. For once, I knew the chap has won over Deepika too.

 

It was settled that we will be taking the Chowchow but then arose a problem. We were scheduled to go for the movie – INCEPTION and there was hardly any time left to drop the Chowchow at home and then go. So, we decided to come back next day to pick him up even though the breeder said he will not hold back if another person came and paid for him. We had no choice but still requested him and left for Sanjay’s house to drop them.

Ayush was visibly upset at the thought of someone else picking up the Chowchow. We had reached the Moolchand crossing and waiting for the signal to turn green for us when Nandini offered to look after the pup for the evening and we could pick him up after the show. Without another word, I took the U-turn and headed back to Southex before Deepika could come up with a counter point. After we paid for him, Ayush announced that the Chowchow will be known as Rolf, which in Deutsche means Leader. Later, I added Adenauer to the name to sound more German!

Later in the evening, we picked up Rolf from Sanjay’s house and were told that the little one had made a ruckus there. The house pet Pepsi, a mix of Pomerian and Shitzu, a brave girl otherwise was mortally scared of him as he ate from her bowl shoving her out of his way. On our way home, the main concern was how our resident maid will react to the new addition to the family. Deepika was firm that if she objects, then we will have to forget about keeping a pet. To our delight she was just too happy to have Rolf around.

 

The first thing that Rolf did was size up his new abode inch by inch, corner to corner and in between peeing on the legs of the dining table and on the carpets marking his territory. He drank a little water and spilled lot more and settled down on the wet floor. We were first time pet owners with zilch experience of handling a puppy and here Sanjay and the Internet really helped us overcoming the initial days.

I never liked pets getting on the bed or sofas and at the same time detested the idea of chaining the pet. To my great satisfaction, Rolf was a quick learner as I had to tell him only a few times the dos and don’ts around the house. For example, he doesn’t go inside the kitchen from the very first day. He had jumped on the bed only once and had immediately climbed down realising his mistake. Yes, I had been a strict disciplinarian with him as I was with Ayush. As advised by his doctor, we did not take him out for a walk till he was 4.5 months and trained him to pee and poop on the balcony where we spread out old newspapers. However, once he started going out for a walk, he stopped peeing and pooping in the house on his own. In fact even today he poops at secluded corner spots far away from the house and prying eyes of strangers.

We hired a dog trainer but the guy came only for 10 days out of promised 15 days, so the training of Rolf was bestowed on me by default. Over a period of time, I have ensured Rolf turn out to be a darling of the household without curbing his natural instinct. Today, no stranger can enter the house without permission. It has taken time but today, even if there is food (non veg) within his reach, he will not sniff or lick it let alone eat it up.

We have taken him with us on vacations wherever possible. The first one was Jim Corbett, Ram Ganga Resort. It was a three day outing with friends along with their pets so that these guys too can enjoy each others company. But on the very first day, it was evidently clear that Rolf was born snob, he not only ignored the other two dogs but roamed around the resort as if he owned it. There were kids who wanted to cuddle him but he was not interested in them at all. We had tough time running around him as he would invariably wander to the nearby jungles. This jungle wandering almost cost him his life.

On the last evening, Rolf suddenly became a bit quite and snuggled upto me and sat down at my feet. We were having our drinks and playing dumb charade and it was Ayush who noticed that Rolf was giving out low cries now and then. I thought he wants to be petted, so every now and then I would pet him and he would calm down. But as the evening progressed his cries became louder and more frequent. Worried as hell, we looked for any visible injuries then felt for any fractures in the legs but nothing showed up. Not knowing what was the problem we could only pet him and wait for the morning to rush back to Delhi to show him to the doctor.

In the morning, after a quick breakfast, we headed back to Delhi and called up the doctor once the mobile phone was in the signal zone. The doctor assured us that he will wait for us even if it gets late but I ensured that we reach Delhi as fast as possible. I must say that we were lucky to have such a young but experienced vet for Rolf. He asked where all places Rolf had roamed in the resort and immediately knew the problem. Somehow, while wandering into the jungles, some maggots had infested in his genitals invisible to us. The doctor immediately administered the localised medicine as well as antibiotics. The medicine continued for three days and Rolf was once again back to normal. Much later, the doctor confided that had we been late in reaching him that day, we might have lost him. This very thought losing him is very unnerving.

Thereafter, Rolf had been with us to Naukuchiataal, Nainitaal and Rampur on the hills, to those resorts that welcome pets with open arms. He had become instantly famous with his looks and amiable but aloof nature. He had featured in innumerable snaps that people around had taken with him. In some instances he enjoyed the adulation but mostly he allowed to be photographed out of courtesy to my requests.  I can say that having grown up together in these last eight years, we now understand each other to a great extent – Rolf my verbal command and I, his dumb charade.

Oh, yes he is wholly my pet now, Ayush having gone to the university and hostel.

We go for a walk in the morning and on more than a few occasions, the passing car would abruptly stop and the occupant would request for photo-ops with Rolf. I have had to give details of the breed, the origin, temperament etc but firmly refuse to answer when people ask for the price, and usually say “He is priceless.”